How to be mentally resilient

We all hope that our lives will be punctuated by more joy than sorrow.

But there may be seasons that we have to weather more than our fair share of stress.

A factor commonly known as the "just world belief" leads many to think that, as long as we do the right things, good things will come to us, kind of like an algebraic equation: good = good. No exceptions.

It would be wonderful if the world worked like that all the time, but when we work hard to do the right things and something bad happens anyway, clinging to a just world belief can deepen the level of distress.

The key during these more difficult times is to find and use the right skills and resources to help us cope in healthy ways with what's happening in the moment.

What does it mean to be a resilient person?

Resilience is a broad term that’s used to describe our capacity to find our way through adversity. It compels us to stretch and grow. It requires us to accept that sometimes life isn’t fair, and that it’s possible to have a good life even in the presence of pain.

It’s a process, not a static state of being, and it requires the use of tools and resources to balance whatever stress we’re facing with self-care.

Why is being resilient so important?

People who leverage resilience skills are better able to find calm in the midst of chaos. They tend to be both healthier and happier as a result.

Resilience skills help us navigate emotions without being overcome by them. They also help us come to terms with tragedy and examine how what we’ve been through may shape our lives and goals moving forward.

How can I improve my resilience?

Take stock of the things that bring joy, replenish energy and restore balance to your life. Prioritize incorporating these “energy givers” into the structure of your day. Use the tools available to you to cope effectively with the stressors you’re facing.

Internal resilience tools:

• Remember to breathe.
• Maintain a balanced perspective.
• Break tasks into manageable steps.
• Accept and approach emotions with a curious mindset.
• Think through the pros and cons of a decision before taking action.
• Adopt a willingness to adapt with changing circumstances.
• Practice self-compassion.

External resilience tools:

• Engage with healthy, supportive friends and family.
• Seek counseling or therapy.
• Gain or regain stability by enrolling in a community-based programs designed to offer resources and support.

What are ways to build resilience?

Take good care of your body:

• Sleep at least 6-8 hours a night.
• Nourish your body with nutrient-dense whole foods whenever possible.
• Exercise regularly.
• Drink water.

Limit unnecessary stimulation:

• Limit screen time, especially before bedtime.
• Develop healthy boundaries between your work life and your home life.
• Spend some time in nature.

Nurture your relationships:

• Prioritize and practice being present with the people you care about.
• Celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and milestones together whenever possible.
• Establish healthy boundaries to ensure relationships function with a balanced “give and take” dynamic.

Connect with a sense of purpose:

• Take stock of what’s really important to you and how these values shape your goals.
• Nurture a spiritual practice of some kind (this can be religious, but it doesn’t have to be).
• Volunteer or find some other way of giving back to others.

Seek joy:

• Pursue a hobby.
• Search for good news on purpose.
• Find a good reason to laugh.
• Treat yourself from time to time.

Remember that resilience is about seeking balance. It’s about creating space for joy and growth even in the presence of pain and sadness. One doesn’t cancel out the other, but one can make the other more tolerable while we work to resolve or find peace around something distressing. It’s possible to emerge on the other side of adversity with wisdom and strength.